I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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