On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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