cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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