it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
