HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize