Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
