Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sarcasm needs its own font
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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