did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
