You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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