So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
