she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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