I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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