textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
