living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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