and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
