the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
