i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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