No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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