she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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