so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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