new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
two words...techno handjob
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
