My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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