God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize