Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
