If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
