the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
