he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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