TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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