Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
