Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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