I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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