can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
