I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize