Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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