My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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