Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
