What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
