I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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