here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
