I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
