I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We need to get me chipped asap
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
