is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
