Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
high people should be assigned attendants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
