When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would fuck him just for his dog
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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