4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is Oprah even human
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
