i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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