there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
