so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
