you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
