Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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