I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
