my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
