I got chris browned last night
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
