you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
