Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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