I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
