i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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