Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm jealous of your bromance
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
