You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
