Too much gin, very little bucket
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
