in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
