I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
