you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
