She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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