hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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