I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
