I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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