I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't put those talents on a resume
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
