After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
