A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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