so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
