Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
