1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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