Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
