The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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