Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
