If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
kristin has been a bad kristin
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
