is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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