There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
