17 year olds will be the death of me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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