i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
