if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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