He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
