i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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