so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
