So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I cockslap morals
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
