she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
