i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
